


Becca's Pseudo-Penis Adventure 3: Revenge Of The Pseudo-Penis

by MisterEAnon



Series: The Pseudo-Penis Adventures [3]
Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Gen, Injury- Broken Bone, Prideful idiots doing stupid things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-23 01:11:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8308027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisterEAnon/pseuds/MisterEAnon
Summary: Becca has something of a personal problem when she shows up at work today. Will she let her fellow officers help her 'take care of herself'?





	

This sucked.

I leaned against the side of the building, next to the door. The dull ache in my leg was turning into a burning agony, a sharp pain that made me grit my teeth whenever I leaned on it for a single step. I tried not to let it get to me, but not even I could just ignore a broken leg entirely.

And I didn't bother with the pain killers, either. They'd dull my instincts, make me weak. And I absolutely refused to be any weaker then I had to be. The hot pain made me remember how I'd gotten it in the first place.

I'd finally gotten a chance to go tearing after a perp, after they'd made sure that 'excessive force' wouldn't be an issue. I'd gotten overzealous. I'd fucked up.

Bogo'd told me to go home, of course. The guy could be demanding at times, but he'd never ask his officers to do anything he wouldn't do himself if he had to (And could take a break from all his other responsibilities for, obviously), and even he wouldn't have me keep working with a broken leg.

I turned up anyway. No crutches, either- I could take this. I could be strong.

I had to be. I didn't know what else I _could_ be if I wasn't.

I took a deep breath, and hobbled in. I immediately tried to walk as normally as I could, but it was a hell of a time.

Clawhauser was the first to greet me, as he did pretty much everyone who came in the front doors. “Hey there, honey! …Why are you walking like that?” he asked, leaning over the welcome desk with his tail waving curiously.

Before I could reply, though, another officer spoke up. The rhino happened to be passing through the main entrance room, which wasn't exactly surprising- You had to come through here to get to most rooms in the precinct. “Because she broke her leg last night, and she SHOULD be home,” the rhino rumbled, looking at me disapprovingly over his horn.

I wasn't exactly in a good mood to begin with. Being criticized by my co-workers only made me grumpy. “Go fuck yourself, Krumpanski,” I grumbled. “You're not my boss.”

He didn't take offense, since my words didn't have any real heat to them. It was obvious I was just pouting now, something I resented and tried to mask as hard as I could. “No, but Bogo's gonna tell you the same thing as soon as he sees you,” he pointed out.

I contemplated flipping him off. As much as I was tempted, he might actually take offense to that, so I resisted. “I can still be useful. I WILL be useful, even if it's just bringing Clawhauser his donuts,” I declared, determined.

The round feline put his elbows on his desk, chin in his hands. “Ooh. As much as you know I'd love that, I'd like to think your health comes first,” he replied. Before he could continue, though, the phone at his desk rang, and he held up a single claw as he answered it.

I didn't hang around. I slowly shuffled forward, putting all my weight possible on one side. I had a perpetual grimace of pain on my face I couldn't dispel.

 

 

 

( * * * )

 

 

 

The moment Officer Wilde saw me, he put down his paperwork. Then, he then grabbed my paw and started dragging me around like I was a fucking pup. Obviously, I was _not_ okay with that, but even when I tried to resist, but I only had one properly working leg, and Nick had two. It wasn't exactly a contest I was gonna win, something he'd probably known from the get-go. He pulled me over to a nearby seat and sat me down, even as I glared at him.

"You're hurt," he gestured to my leg. Had it been that obvious? I had at least been TRYING to hide it.

"I'm fine," I lied, slumping down to the desk. He wasn't impressed- Nick had a pretty damn good poker face when he wanted to, but at the moment, it seemed he was absolutely content with showing off exactly how he felt about my lie with his expression.

"Don't con a conman, Becca," He retorted, starting to grin as he reached out to touch my leg. I flinched reflexively- Shit. If there was any chance he had heard the news and was just bullshitting he could tell, it was gone now. "Of course, with an act like that, I'm not sure you'd be able to fool anyone."

I knew about his past, of course- by now, the entire department knew about the perfect partners. But he was right. I wasn't an actor. Hell, I was pretty much up front about all of my feelings a lot of the time. It had lost me a lot of potential friends, but the friends I did have were true as steel, something I felt was worth it.

He was still talking, though. "Don't you have crutches?" he glanced around, "I'm pretty sure they don't let you out of the hospital without them." He focused on me again, "How did you even get out of there, anyway?"

"I'm fine, Wilde!" I 'laughed', hoping my instinctive hyena reaction would let me ignore his question- Hopefully until he forgot about it. "You know me. I'm not going to let a little thing like a broken leg stop me from working."

Wilde just shook his head, wearing that smug-ass smile he wore so well as he walked back to his pile of papers, and brought them over to the desk he'd shuttled me into. He dropped them in front of me, ignoring the fact this wasn't even my desk, and held up a pen. "Today, Becca," He pointed the pen at me, like it was some kind of fucking weapon, "Today, you're doing paperwork."

Fuck no.

"Oh come on, Wil-" I started to object, before he held up his paw to stop me. I crossed my arms as I waited to see what he'd try to stop me with, next.

"Listen, you try and patrol with a broken leg, and you're not doing yourself- or anyone who has to patrol with you- any favors. You try it, and I'll convince Bogo to place you under house arrest."

I started to laugh for real this time, until I saw the smirk on his face: He was serious. "You wouldn't dare!" I objected. I mean, jesus, tattling to the boss?

"Try me." He offered the pen to me. He still had a distinctly smug look on his face, but one tempered with some other emotion I couldn't immediately identify.

"I'm not a fucking invalid," I grumbled darkly. I couldn't face a day of paperwork, I'd go crazy. It would almost be as bad as being cooped up in that hospital. I stared the fox down, trying to scare him off, to admit it was all a mistake. He never budged, never stopped smirking.

I guess there was no point doing that. If Hopps dragged him through police academy, there was no way I could intimidate him. She insisted that Nick did it all by himself the first time someone brought it up, but I'm pretty sure a work-freak like herself would ensure he was up to her standards as a partner. Which more or less fucked over any plans I could have to cow him into submission.

Finally, I threw up my arms. "Fuck- Yes, fine. I'll do the fucking paperwork." I glanced down at the pile in front of me. These… Had his name on it. "But not yours," I grumbled, handing the pile back to him. "And I want something actually important, and not just busy-work."

If I was going to be stuck doing paperwork, it was going to be something actually worth doing, damn it.

"Can't fault a fox for trying," he laughed. "I'll see what I can do." He started to walk off, before he turned around and smiled. "Oh. And don't blame me if Bogo puts you on house arrest anyway when he finds out."

I flipped him off, but unfortunately he was already walking away and snickering as he went, so he didn't see it.

Smug prick.

It was only after he left that I finally identified that look on his face: Mixed in with that smug-ass attitude was a look of genuine care- Wilde actually gave a damn about my health. Considering how I was usually awesome, and usually showed off how awesome I was whenever I felt was appropriate, seeing people concerned for me wasn't something I was used to.

I glanced down at the empty desk. I guess I could tolerate paperwork, if it was still doing good for the force.

I still wasn't gonna do his fucking paperwork for him, though.

 

 

 

( * * * )

 

 

 

Bored. Bored, bored, bored, _bored-_

Oh, thank god. It's lunchtime.

I gingerly hefted myself out of the seat I was using. Standing brought a fresh wave of hell, but I ignored it. You didn't exactly become a police officer if you couldn't deal with a really tiny, unimportant, minor amount of excruciating pain, after all.

Actually getting lunch wasn't that easy, of course. I had to cross through the main entrance again- And since everyone else was getting up for lunch as well (With the exception of Clawhauser, who I was pretty sure just ate constantly through the day, instead of at any particular time), I had plenty of concerned looks thrown my way as I limped unsteadily towards the cafeteria with the rest of the boys and girls in blue. Not every precinct had a cafeteria, but obviously ZPD 1 was important enough to have one.

I could ignore the looks while I was passing by. But, by the time I'd gotten my lunch and sat down, they were still looking. I twitched- I wasn't really used to getting attention I _hated_. It was a novel experience that I was super interested in never feeling again.

It wasn't long until I had a visitor. Thankfully, I could give this one shit before they could do the same to me, so I leaned over and nudged him as he sat down. “Hey, Johnson. Remember to pull your fly up this time?” I teased, grinning.

The lion groaned. “God, you remember that?” he asked, in a long-suffering tone I took much amusement in.

I picked up my plastic fork, pointing it at him the same way Nick had pointed at me with his pen a few hours earlier. “Well,” I started, spinning it in small circles idly, “I did end up befriending that chick you fucked up with so badly, so yeah, I'd say I remember what you did to her.”

He winced, and fell silent. I felt a little bad about bringing up old fuck-ups long past when they were relevant… But at least he'd probably not be next in line to tell me I should go home. Not many people had actually said to me, but…

Whenever my mask faltered, and they saw me hurting, I could see the pity in their eyes. And I hated it. I refused to be helpless- Worthless.

The table shook as my next lunch-buddy sat down with me, and I had to scrabble to catch my drink before it fell over. I grumbled with irritation, while the elephant across the table looked vaguely apologetic. I guess it was hard to resist throwing your weight around a little when you had so damn much of it.

“Hey, Francine,” I greeted. “Johnson's got his fly up today, you should congratulate him.”

While the tiger to my side just groaned, putting his head in his paws. The plus-sized woman glanced between him and myself. “I… don't think I've heard the story behind this one,” she admitted. “But that's not why I came over.”

Fuck, here we go. “Yeah? Why's that?” I asked, trying to play it cool. I leaned back in my seat, and winced as my leg protested. Yeah, that kind of ruined what I was going for.

Francine didn't fuck around. “You're hurt. And you're only hurting yourself more walking around on that thing. How can you stand that?” she asked, opening her own lunch absently. I wondered if it was racist to comment on the fact the elephant was fond of peanut butter and jelly.

Probably best not to go near it, honestly. “I'm awesome,” I replied shortly. “It doesn't even hurt. You know, that much,” I lied blatantly. Francine just gave me a _look_ , while Johnson looked between the two of us.

“Wait, what's wrong with Becca?” he asked. Oh, hell, he hadn't heard the news after all. Apparently, he'd just decided to sit with me today.

I was going to blow it off, but Francine beat me to it. “Becca broke her leg, and she still came in today. She doesn't even have crutches,” she pointed out, before taking a bite of her sandwich.

The lion glanced away from her to look at me. “Christ. How are you even out of the hospital already if your leg is still broken?”

“You're the second person to ask that today,” I replied blandly, blithely ignoring the question. “And I came in because I'm totally good to work, so you guys can lay off.”

Johnson glanced to Pennington. “Does Bogo know?”

The elephant snorted. “Doubt it. Becca, listen,” she started, glancing back from the lion to me. “You really should just go home-”

Fuck this.

I stood up, gritting my teeth as I freed my legs from the bench. “Nope. I am **_done_** listening to this, okay? Ever since I showed up, everyone has been _doubting me_ and telling me how I can't do anything like this!” I burst out, hands clenching by my sides.

Francine just looked concerned for me, which made me seeth harder. The lion twisted in his seat to look at me. “That's not what-”

“It is!” I continued, ignoring the way every nearby table was looking at me, now. I could spot Nick off to the left, shaking his head. “People've been looking at me like I'm some kind of fuckin' charity case. Well, I don't want your fucking pity, okay? I'm _**fine-**_ ” I finished heatedly, reflexively stomping my foot with frustration.

That was my broken leg I just stomped. I didn't even have time to regret before my mind was overwhelmed with an explosion of pain. My sudden, tortured cry was ended barely a second or two later, as my legs buckled beneath me.

The last thing I saw as I fell was the bench I had just gotten off of, flying up to meet my face.

 

 

 

( * * * )

 

 

 

The very first feeling I experienced as I regained consciousness was pain. The second was a deep regret for not bringing my pain pills, after all.

I opened my eyes. There was another officer sitting in front of me, in a chair she- Or someone else- Had pulled up right in front of me. Apparently, they had someone waiting for me to wake up. Or maybe they were taking shifts.

Fangmeyer glanced up her phone. “You're a fucking idiot,” she rumbled idly, tail flicking as she sat up.

I huffed. Really not the best thing to wake up to. I tried to sit up, and immediately failed, glancing down. “…Why am I handcuffed to a wheelchair?” I asked, sounding as resigned as I suddenly felt.

She chuckled. “Because you're a fucking idiot,” she repeated, sounding amused.

I glared at her. “I could kick your ass,” I threatened half-heartedly, squirming in my seat.

She raised an eyebrow, padding forward. She lifted her leg, and very gently pressed it against mine. Immediately, I winced, reflexively pulling away from her.

She nodded, satisfied. “Yeah… No. You're not gonna be kicking much of anything right now,” she opined, settling back into her seat.

I slumped back. “Fine. When do I get these cuffs off, anyway? Am I being detained, officer?” I snarked at her, feeling grumpy. I mean, shit, who could blame me.

She leaned forward in her chair. “Yeah, you're being detained. You're staying put until I give you the “You're A Fucking Idiot” talk,” she confirmed.

I squinted. “You're going to keep calling me that until I hear you out, aren't you?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Is it working?”

I huffed again. “Fine. Spit it out.”

She stuffed her phone in her pocket. “Gladly. So, now that we've established the obvious, lets go on to why you're an idiot: Everything you're doing is turning you into a liability.”

I sat up a little more, suddenly alert. What? That was the opposite of what I was trying to do. “Explain,” I rumbled, idly shaking my wrists. Yeah, no. They'd found cuffs in my size easily, no getting out of these.

The tigress' tone was slow, and patient. “By insisting you're fine when you really, really aren't, you're only hurting yourself more and more. And the more you hurt yourself, the longer we'll be down an officer, and the more likely it is the rest of us have to waste our time watching out for you instead of doing our jobs.”

Shit. “I… I hadn't realized-”

“Of course you hadn't. If you had, you wouldn't be acting the way you are,” the other woman pointed out.

I leaned back and closed my eyes. It's not like there was anything else I could fucking do, right? “I get it. I fucked up,” I murmured, not wanting to look her in the eye.

I felt a paw land on my shoulder, gently resting there. “Oh, good,” Fangmeyer murmured. “I was worried it would take a hell of a lot longer to get that through your thick skull,” she teased.

I groaned. “Get to the point,” I urged her quietly, feeling drained. Whatever energy I had before I faceplanted where my ass had just been was completely gone now.

She hummed. “I know you don't exactly do speeches, so I'll get to the point. I understand what it's like, feeling worthless. Like you can't do anything, even though you _need_ to do something, _anything_.” I tilted my muzzle, looking away even as I opened my eyes.

The tigress wasn't having any of that, though. She took my muzzle in her paw, tilting it right back to face her. I reflexively tried to lift my paws to shove hers away, but of course they were still bound. Once I'd stopped struggling, she continued. “Hell, Becca. People join the force for a lot of reasons, but pretty much everyone here is ready to serve and protect. And that means we're gonna protect you, too.”

She flicked my nose. “Even if that means from yourself, dumbass,” she added with a smirk. Despite myself, I found myself smirking back.

I wiggled. “You know, if this is just an excuse to do some bondage with me, I'll have you know that next time I'm gonna be on top--”

She scoffed. “Oh, please. If we **did** do anything, I'd win any dominance contest in bed you could think of.

I laughed. “Please, five minutes in and you'd be _begging_ for me to put it in you--”

She rolled her eyes, tousling my ears back affectionately with a paw. I knew most of the force pretty well, but I didn't know her any better then the others. She probably just knew I was into the whole hyena thing of physical contact. “Yeah, well. Implied accusations of my bisexuality aside,” she drawled, “I did have a point.”

“Go on,” I prompted idly, still grinning. Hell, I should start hanging out with Fangmeyer more. This tiger got me.

She took a moment to think. “Right, where was I. Here's the point: You seriously cannot let your pride drive you like this, because you're going to kill yourself, and I have better things to go to your funeral,” she added. “Why did you even let it get this far, anyway?”

I looked down. “I don't really want to think about it,” I admitted. There was a part of me afraid to face my flaws, even as fearless as I could be out in the field.

For a moment, I thought she left. Then, she carefully leaned down and hugged me- Standing a little off to the side, so her legs wouldn't press into mine. “Nobody does,” she reassured me. “But you should probably get it over with, or I'm going to wheel you around the precinct like this.”

“I knew this was a sex thing,” I grumbled. “Fine, fine. I…” I sighed. “I didn't know. I didn't know what to do, or how to take this. I mean, hell- I'm pretty much just a jock, right? And I'm okay with that, since I enjoy what I do. But…”

I looked from just looking into my lap to gazing at my broken leg. “But when I'm broken like this, I can't do anything. If everything about me is tied up in what I do, what I'm capable of…” I lifted my head, looking up to her.

“…What's left?”

I struggled to express what I wanted to say. But she seemed to understand, nodding quietly for me to go on.

“I mean…” I started uncertainly, “I can't patrol, I can't keep up with anyone… I can't even have sex! I mean, I guess was just trying to deny the fact that pretty much everything in my life HADN'T just been moved out of my reach, but… Didn't really work out for me,” I mumbled.

She rubbed her chin. “That sucks,” she noted. “But, you can't make it suck less by pretending it isn't there. Then it'll just suck more, and you'll have to go longer without the good kind of sucking.”

It took me a moment to parse her innuendo, but I snorted once I got it. “Yeah. I mean… I guess I know better, now. But it's not gonna make me any less miserable, you know?”

She nodded, reaching into her pocket. “I know. But you can still help-” the tiger started, pulling a bottle of pills from her pocket. I could see from the label they were mine- Or a replacement for the ones I'd left behind. “-If you take these. Also, crutches.”

I grimaced. “I'm not seeing an upside to this.”

She waved a finger. “The upside is that you're not being sent home and put under house arrest.”

My eyebrows knitted together as I focused. “Wait, you mean-”

She nodded. “Yeah, you can stay at work. You'll be stuck doing paperwork or something, but Chief'll let you be useful.”

I was silent for a few seconds. “…Thanks,” I murmured, my voice laden with emotion I didn't really feel up to deciphering. I was the one feeling it, and yet it still felt mired and murky to me.

“…And also, if you 'forget' the crutches, we'll have someone bigger then you pick you up and carry you around,” she added, tail flicking behind her with amusement.

I groaned. “God, no. I'll be good,” I promised. “Now… Please, take these cuffs off.”

She grinned, reaching into her pocket once more and retrieving a key. “I'll go get your crutches,” she promised, turning tail after she freed my wrists, holding the cuffs in her paws as she went.

I rubbed at them, contemplating standing up. Nah, I could probably bear to wheel myself around for a bit.

Wait. “Hey, Fangmeyer.”

She paused in the doorway. “Yeah?”

“You still have your cuffs on the back of your belt,” I pointed out. “Where'd you get those?” I asked, pointing to the ones in her paws.

She grinned. “Oh, these? These are **my** cuffs,” she purred, slipping out from the room entirely, out of sight.

What? Goddamn it. “Hey, get back here! Why do you have those at work? I knew this was a sex thing!” I called after her, staring to propel myself after her in my chair. If she was hoping to distract me, it was doing a damn good job.

Despite the fact my immediate future looked pretty bleak, I grinned anyway as I started off after her. Yeah, life was gonna suck for a while. But I had the force to help me deal. My friends.

I guess I could live with that.

**Author's Note:**

> Prester John ( https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prester_John/pseuds/Prester_John ) Helped me write Nick's dialogue. Props to him for that scene!


End file.
